What’s keeping us from living, “It takes a village”?

You know how there are these sayings you’ve heard over and over, like “sleep matters” and “remember to breathe” and “it will all work out”? They’re all true. Sometimes really irritating and not at all helpful to hear in the moment, but still true. The phrase, “it takes a village” is one of those sayings. Logically, we know it to be true, but why aren’t many of us actually living that way? And I mean “village” beyond the lucky few who have parents nearby to watch the kids for a date night, or drop-off at a daycare. I’m referring to the “it takes a village” that involves neighbors down the street, local mom friends, and the wider community. 

It’s such a lovely concept, and yet it feels so scary and overwhelming to me. Why?! I suspect it has to do with the fact we’ve all been conditioned to be as independent as possible. To ask for any form of help means you’re showing weakness. (Or something??) Asking for help shows people you actually don’t have it all together. Your house isn’t actually always clean. Dinner is takeout or pizza delivery at least a couple times a week. Dog poop isn’t getting picked up in the yard right away. (Kudos to anyone who actually does get it picked up regularly!) Changing clothes from one day to the next doesn’t actually happen in a timely manner. You know, like real reality.

I strive to live my life as wholeheartedly as possible, being open and honest about where my strengths and weaknesses are; where my flaws and imperfections lay. But I still struggle… asking for help is still a big deal for me. I feel “bad” and “worried” because people are busy and have their own lives and their own challenges they’re trying to work through. Why would they want to help my family when they’re struggling to keep up with their own stuff? 

I have some local mom friends that I’ve known since my boys were really little. When we get together, we’re able to talk more deeply in that cherished safe space. I am so eternally grateful for them. Amongst ourselves, we express the need and desire to get more support for things like having uninterrupted conversations with our spouses, or getting a date night now and then. But then, nothing really ever becomes of it. Even with these fellow mamas who I love and care about so much. What’s up with that?

What is it that’s keeping me from simply extending an invite to friends to drop their kids off for a couple of hours? Is it really because the house isn’t clean enough? That we don’t have enough fun snacks and drinks in the pantry to offer? That our backyard isn’t tidied up enough for the kids to have fun outside? All of those excuses definitely cross my mind. But logically, I know none of those things really matter much. None of those things would actually prevent us from having kids over to give friends a much-needed break. So… what is it? I’d really love to know and understand. And then, kick those mother-trucking beliefs to the curb. Whatever is preventing me from living the “it takes a village” life is totally holding me back! I can just feel it. 

At a bird’s-eye view, I know living and being truly comfortable with the village concept will take bravery. I’m not talking about the kind of bravery it takes to jump out of an airplane with a parachute, or to sign up for and compete in a triathlon. I’m talking about the everyday kind of bravery that one of my favorite authors, Brené Brown writes about. To quote from her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, “…asking for what you need is one of the bravest things that you’ll ever do”. Now that’s what I need to dig deep for and embrace. That is what’s going to help pave the way for living the it-takes-a-village life. 

Now that I’ve uncovered what’s keeping me from living a more wholehearted life full of village-embracing, it’s time to take action! Perhaps I’ll do a follow-up blog post on this topic soon. 😁

Cherish yourself: Uncover your inner bravery, embrace it, and go forth to help friends with their kids and ask for help in return. It really does take a village!