I’ve been fighting the same battle every morning without my permission. Some mornings I know I’m fighting it, but others I’m not even aware I’m wrapped up in a battle. I don’t know what name to give the battle just yet, but I know what the fight is about. First off, it’s simply about getting up and out of bed early. Then, it’s about what I choose to do with my time. That precious time before the kids wake up and start up with their needs. Needs that if I weren’t caught in a battle, I’d be much more patient and willing to help them fulfill. Because that’s what moms are for, right?
I brought up the mom thing, but I need to go back to the me thing first — back to the individual who needs to put her oxygen mask on first before helping others. We are all told to do this by a flight attendant when traveling with small children. It’s great life advice, really. Where am I going with this? Well, it’s related to this battle I’ve been fighting. I know without a doubt I’m not the only one fighting it — or at least some variation of it. Knowing that we aren’t alone in something helps, but doesn’t win the battle.
I am just so battle-weary from forcing myself out of bed every morning and then struggling with what I do with my precious quiet time. ME time is calling. I want to be meditating, journaling, stepping outside to drink in fresh air and listen to the birdies chatter. I want to feel calm and collected so that when the kids wake up and start in with their dialogs and their needs, I’m ready to rock. But that hasn’t been happening. Not for quite a while.
Where did things fall off the track?
According to my journal — which incidentally, hasn’t been written in much lately — the (latest) battle started up about five weeks ago. That’s when a lot of new plates got added to my world to start spinning: A new work gig, more therapies for the kids, the possibility of another kid needing an IEP, a big ramp-up with volunteer work, and all the heavy friends and family happenings to hold space for. It was about that time I started to slip off my zen mama platform. It just became so much, and the practice of mindfulness and gratitude which I know from experience make a huge difference, started slipping through my fingers like sand.
This all sounds so dramatic, but since it’s my life and the only one I get, it is dramatic. Each of us is only given one life. Spending it fighting a battle every morning is just rotten. No thanks! So, here I come to the fight. I see and recognize there’s a battle raging, and now it’s time to strategize and fight back. I don’t want to keep waking up and not choosing me, or feeling so guilty when I’m not doing what I feel like I “should” be doing. Time to look back into the toolbox I’ve worked on stocking over the last couple of years to see what might be helpful — what I know will be helpful — for fighting this battle.
The first word(s) of the day matter
Something I learned to do a while back and will start practicing again is coming up with a positive word or phrase to program into my brain so that it’s the very first thing that pops into my head when I wake up. To do this, I know it’s time to circle back to the practice of a quick gratitude journaling session the night before. During which, of course, I’ll capture a few things I’m especially grateful for. I will also envision how I want the next day to feel. Like an overall positive theme to focus on and circle back to when things feel like they’re going south. I know this won’t work right away because reprogramming away from “ugh, I am so tired and don’t want to get up” or “omg I have so much to do today, I don’t want to deal with any of it” will take some time to write over.
Meditation first, always
No matter what I’ve got on my plate, no matter what deadlines are pulling at me, or regardless of whether the kids are up or not, I must make a point to hide somewhere (if necessary) and meditate. I’ve been known to hide in my closet to meditate and I need to remember that little trick. I use the Insight Timer app to help guide my meditation practice and it’s fantastic. It’s like an old, comfortable friend as soon as I start up a meditation, and I deserve that time and space every morning. I can be guaranteed at least a couple minutes of calm that way at any rate. I have been making the wrong choice over and over lately to go straight to my laptop and start working. By the time the kids wake up, I’m still on my laptop and really cranky when they start talking at me. Nope! Meditate first.
Practice mindfulness — outside
Get outside. No ifs, ands, or buts. I could seriously spend my entire day inside on my laptop working, cleaning house, doing laundry, and fixing the kids snacks (during the summer, at least). Just the idea of it is crazy-making. Well, there’s all the time I spend being a mom taxi, too, but that does not count as getting outside! Since going outside and standing there taking ten deep breaths doesn’t quite seem to lure me outside first thing in the morning, I need to pick something that will really keep pulling me outside. Perhaps closely watching the progress of a particular plant growing. There’s the saying, “take time to smell the roses” — so maybe I just take time each day to watch roses grow. Check out what the soil looks like, look for any bugs or blight on the leaves. Sounds like a great mindfulness practice. Well, it’s an idea anyway…
So, I’ve come up with a few very doable tactics. I know they will really go a long way in helping fight this battle I’m caught in every morning. If I practice them every day, that is. I choose to fight and I plan to win! I don’t like the alternative, which is more of the same. I’ve got a battle to fight! Let’s do this!
Cherish yourself: If you find yourself struggling to wake up and get motivated to accomplish, it’s time to go back to basics. It’s time to get back to choosing yourself first.