Today (May 3, 2024) marks two years exactly from the day I finally crashed at work. Or more accurately, finally finished crashing. In hindsight, it was several months in the making. Several months of absolutely pushing pedal to the metal with work, momming, and all the other stuff ‘n things in life. The other stuff did not include taking care of myself. Like at all. It was total and complete burnout. WOOF.
As time passes, I am able to think about this pivotal time with less cringing. After all, I am human and still feel bad/embarrassed/frustrated/anxious thinking about the fact that I had to walk away from a job. I had to walk away in the middle of so much going on and so few team members to cover it all in the first place. I want to go back and give my team members a big hug and tell them thank you for covering for me. And, to apologize for adding to their already crazy workloads. (I am so sorry, y’all. Truly.)
The thing is, what was only going to be roughly a month-long break away from that job turned into indefinitely. I suspect the CEO (my boss at the time) already knew my time away was going to need to be more than just until the end of the month. At the time, I was so focused on trying to keep it all going. But my canoe was sinking. The holes were too big, and I had nothing left to use to plug them with. Now I realize I was almost completely underwater. It was a classic case of burnout.
So that sets the scene… fast-forward two years and I feel whole. I feel content and way more confident. I am more clear on how far I’m willing to push with work and other tasks that take time away from me, my marriage, my family, and my friendships. It’s time to celebrate the heck out of this! I mean I have come a LONG way! (I suppose a bit more on my journey may be in order in another post. What do you think? A taste of it would be the first post I published.)
When you’re going through it though… When you’re going day in and day out working to recover from burnout, it is seriously hard to see or even believe there are any wins.
In a life coach session a couple months ago, I was feeling pretty shame-spiral-ey (I’m declaring that an official term) and my life coach encouraged me to reflect on what all I’ve accomplished. That was my homework from the session. I never did that homework (sorry, coach!). Well, actually I have — just very after-the-fact. Somehow by seeing a Facebook memory this morning from two years ago today helped me finally realize and see the win. It feels damn good. (BTW, if you’re curious what that Facebook memory was, check out my page!)
Cherish yourself: When you’re working through something hard like recovering from burnout, periodically pause and reflect on where you were and where you are now. There are wins there, however small. Celebrate them!